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[30 Oct 2006|11:00pm] |
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Have you ever thought about the people that past through your life that at one point in time you were the greatest friends and through the folds of time they just fade off into the sunset ether from distances or a changing point causes you and that friend to split paths. I don't know, just these past couple of days I've had alot of time on my hands to think about this things such as people that was in my life had been a strong factor and now I have no idea where or what that person is doing these days. like I had a best friend in elementary school that I was great friends with up to the point of high school and I just ended up losing contact with him after I changed high schools, and now then I think about what he could be doing these days or if I met up with him would things still be the way they were before hand.
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| lost.......... |
[22 Sep 2005|08:34pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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Right now i feel like i am at a point in my life where i don't know what to do.... there is just so many things that are going on right now. i want to move out but i am not in a position to move out. i feeling really lost right now because i don't know what is the best thing to do right now. i don't know what is wrong with me everything can be going fine with everyone else and i am always the one that fucks it up i am the one that makes things worst.... i am the one that needs to seek help for my feelings, I am told everything is fine but at the same time i feel that there is a problem that i can't fix........ i don't know i think i am just going to bed right now and hope that i will just forget about everything because right now i feel depressed... and i don't know what to do
but on a side note latly i have been spending alot of money first on an ipod then a new phone what is next...
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| fuck |
[06 Aug 2005|07:50pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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i feel like shit right now. i feel like drinking like there is no tom. i should seek help but right now i feel like no one can help me.........
i am pissed at my family right now and i just hate the way things are going.... i feel like shit and i have no one to go to.... i am just thinking goin out and driving... i don't know.
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| in love |
[24 Jul 2005|01:21am] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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this summer has been the best summer out of every summer mostly because i have gotten to spend the time talking to a really wonderful girl who really is the best girlfriend. she treats me so well when i am around her or when there is 346 mile between us, she still knows how to make me smile. she is just wonderful and i don't know what i would do without her. this week she sent me a little love package( little is kind of an under statement) and it made me feel so happy because she sent it for reason other then she was thinking about me and in inside it had a pic. of us at 4 of july and i loved it so much. i love her so much the way she makes me feel is like there is nothing that can stop me from doing anything when i am with her it is the most wonderful feeling i have ever had....
i love her so much
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| being busy |
[14 Jun 2005|08:43pm] |
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mood |
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 working |
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well life i would have to say is going great. i'm working at the cafe which i love because i now know how to make most expresso drinks. I just got promoted to full time and got a 1.50 raise and hour plus benefits. then this up coming week i am going to be working at camp in the evening. then some time i am going to have to fit in my summer school class. but no matter how busy i am i still miss my sweetheart, but oh well i will be able to see her soon...when i get some time off which i am think it will be sometime in july. well now i have to go study for psychology so wish me luck.
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| lovin life |
[22 May 2005|01:16am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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i would have to say that i am really lovin life right. i have a wonderful girlfriend, who is the best girlfriend i have ever had. i love her so much and life is going great, also her family likes me and cares about me. Now i have two jobs that i both love, one i get to make coffee and watch great rock bands for free most fridays and saturdays, then my other job it is so layed back and stress free that i love it. this summer is going to be a great one and i can't wait till i get to see my sweetie because i love her with all my heart and right now i miss her so much and i don't know what i would do with out her.
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| so i thought that i was was having a bad month but it seems that i am having a bad year |
[04 Feb 2005|06:14pm] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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well lets recap this last month for everyone
got a ticket
smashed my car
got denied my financaial aid for one fucked up reason.
now my ins. is trying to drop me.
the paseo didn't pass smog so i had to fix it
my moms car broke down and had to be towed.
got in to one big fight with my mom
and looking at a credit card bill that is due in march for alot more then i pay for because of my school.
and ending most weeks with little or no money.
but this is what tops everything off
This month
the printer broke
got a flat tire on the freeway
my mom lost her job.
and i have been slowly been getting cut on hours and now i am down to working 24 hours a week
and this is only been 5 days into this month i just can't wait to see what else is going to happen
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| i fucken hate my life |
[30 Jan 2005|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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Right now i really want to kill myself...... just so much shit has happened in this pass month that makes me fucken hate my life. i have no money right now. soon i am going to have no place to live. and the school i am going to is not giving me my aid that i need. and you know what i feel like it is i feel like it is me that did all this. i am the one that made this all happen. i was the one that made it is that my mom got in a fight with me. i am the one that fucked up my car. i am the one that fucked up my whole life....... right now my whole body hurts in pain from everything that has happened. i really feel that i fucked up everything that has happen in my life and i just feel so alone right now.
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| ............ |
[08 Dec 2004|01:17am] |
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mood |
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confused |
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well this is my second day in a row that i had to get into work at 3am but i am starting to think that i should start going to sleep later and just get up at 2am because it is starting to get boring, but i don't know....... i am getting feeling that i am not as close to my friends as i want to be just because the hours i work and not being able to talk to them, but also i don't know......... right now i just feel so lost and alone
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[05 Dec 2004|09:19pm] |
hmmm well it has been a long time since i have wrote but ya i have been busy. well first thing i will start off with is work, work is going ok they are going to teach me how to drive the forklift and i think two weekends from now i am going to be santa at work for little kids to sit with me and take a pic. with me i know scary. so this was a really good weekend i had alot of fun spending time with Helen. on friday i went to pitzer and end up taking shots getting kind of drunk. then end up watching the ring which was really cool. then saturday i end getting up at 11am and went to work at noon which was kind of boring but it had its times like when i got my ass slapped by a co-work. but ya i was really tired after work and i went home and went to sleep which i felt bad because i wanted to spend some time with Edwin but i was tired and i had to get up at 6am on sunday for a breakfast. which it comes to sunday i went to breakfast came home slept till 1 got up helped my mom out and then went and help oscar work on some flooring... so that has been my weekend and tonight i am going to go to the casino so i am hopeing to win some money but ya here are some pic.s i found
Edwin- Drinking and being EMO at the same time
Drinking at Pitzer
Me and Helen
Drinking on Friday
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| this weekend......... |
[22 Nov 2004|08:00am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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what can i say this weekend has been a long one on top of the fact that there was alot going on. it kind of started off with jackie's b-day being on thrusday. so we go and hang out and chill till 1:30am and i am like i have work at 5am. so i end up staying the night and go to bed at 2:30am. which for only sleeping for like an 1 1/2 i felt good. went to work and it was so long. so on friday i hang out with edwin and we had a long talk which it was good for the both of us. so i go to some party's on the campus and it was cool. went to bed at 2am go up at 4am to be at work at 5am. so on sat. i get off of work feeling kind of tired and i was going to take a nap but i had to much stuff to do. so i did not get a nap and that night was jackie's party which was ok i did not get to drink till late. and during the whole party and kind of felt i had no one to hang outso i spent most of my time talking on the phone with kevin. so i get drunk at like 2 am and we don't go to bed till 4am. wake up at 9:30 and i start heading back home i think at 2Pm so i do alot of shit at home and take a nap for an 1 1/2 hour. so it is sunday and jackie calls asking if i want to chill with her oscar and edwin. so i am like ok and i end up help oscar lay down tile from 10pm sunday till 6am this morning. so i amd like shit i can't go to sleep i will just go to sleep at 2pm because i have work at 3am tom. but ya this weekend was a fun one. the only thing that kind of pissed me off was that edwin talked to me on friday about starting off fresh and i was thinking about it . so i said that i would being willing to be friendly with christina. but the two days that i was around her the only words that i heard from her was "hi" and " can you make me another drink". so none the less i felt the cold shoulder from her all weekend long. which i am fine if she does not want to work it out to where we are friends. but i am feeling really tirdso i think i will go to bed soon i don't know
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| i miss her...... |
[17 Nov 2004|03:24pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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all day today i feel like in someway i was thinking of her. thinking about the time we spent together the fun that we had in someway just thinking of her and i have not wanted to even pick up my phone just because i know that i am going to have that feeling of wanting to call her oh well what is done is done i just need to deal with it....... i am going to try and sleep now and i should be up by midnight...... i miss her so much......
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| god |
[17 Nov 2004|12:23am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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the movie kill bill |
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right now i miss her and it is so fucken hard to type i am in so much pain. but i mean everyone is allowed to move on but not jon look at this everyone else is allowed to be in a relationship but not jon no one cares about how jon feels.......i don't know if that is the drinking talking if it is mee because i have had 4 shots and i am feeling alitttle drunk.
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| a long day |
[14 Nov 2004|10:00pm] |
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well today i worked from noon to 9 and it was felt so long but it was kind of cool because i got to chill with tiffany at lunch and a really odd talk. but ya my grandmother took a fall today....end up going to the Hospital....... just to find out that she is an Alcoholic. which end up making me an hour late getting home. but right now i don't know how i feel about this.... but ya. i have to be up for work at 5 am so i am going to bed now. good night
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| ........... |
[13 Nov 2004|05:55pm] |
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mood |
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shitty |
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so i don't know how to start off this entry..... i guess i will start with yesterday. i went to work at 5am but for i got woken up at 3am so i did not go back to sleep i went to work which was all cool and everything and i found out that they want to show me how to use the forklift which is kind of scary but it would be so cool. so i get home and i call up Edwin to see if he still wanted to hang out which he did and so we said that we would hang out at 10:30 and go hooka well he told Jackie about it so i asked if burt could come. so we all end up hanging out. it was all cool till i don't know how it happened but some how edwin end up asking about Helen and it just seem like he was trying to point out that i really didn't like Helen and that i shouldn't be going out with her, but i am sorry those kind of things i find out over time and it is not like i just pull out a list of things i am going ask the person on the first time that i see them... so we end up leaving the hooka bar like at midnight. we were going to go back to jackie's house to just chill. but i stoped at Vons to pick up chap stick because i lost my last one. the one that i bonded with, the one chap stick that i had for a really long time. so at vons i get a phone call from Helen. so she is like talking to me about how she ran into Desiree Taylor at a party on CMC and Helen was talking to her when Helen asked oh do you know Edwin and Desiree is like ya, then Helen asked oh well do you know Edwin's friends from high school like Jon or Jackie ( this next part hurt me the most) Desiree says i may have met them once. so that kind of showed me how Desiree viewed me as a friend. so Helen is telling me this all on the phone and she is like i feel that all of your friends lie to me.... so she was feeling really shitty and i call up edwin to tell him that i am not going to be able to make it because i need to take car of some shit that is going on. so he seemed alright about it. so i pick up helen this is about 1am and we go to this place to just talk till about 3 am we talked about all the shit that had been going on. so by then i felt like shit because i kind of felt that it was my doing that made her feel like shit. so i drop her off about 3am and start to drive home. when i get to foothill Edwin calls me. we talk the whole talked made me feel like i don't what to say i felt like he did not want me to see Helen. and that over these past 3 weeks that i have made feel like shit and that even before that i put him through alot of shit. and i felt really shitty because this is a man that i call my best friend, a man that i care about, and i just did not know anymore what to do, and after our talk this is the way i felt. i felt that he wanted me to pick him or her..... and i felt like i was the one that started all this shit. i was the one that kept this shit going. i was the one that did not fix the problem but made it worst. so i ended it with that i need my space. and i guess i do but at the same time i feel that this is my way of hopeing that the problems will go away. i did not go to sleep till 5am. i woke up this morning still feeling like shit at 11am and went to help my friend with his eagle project which was painting a house. which was good for me because i kind of just got away from this and got to think about everything and what i wanted to do.. and now i am here still kind of feel like shit. with nothing to do. and the only thing that i feel like doing is one go to a club, two go to the races, or three and that is stay home and get drunk by myself and hopeing that it will make myself feel better. but right now i am covered paint so i am going to take a shower and hope to find something to do........
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| lol |
[11 Nov 2004|12:51am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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good times its is about 12:51am and i am up for work at 3am. but its alright because i get work out at this time and kind of get time to myself. but ya i am starting to feel tired from working so much and i have 3 more days to go and the only thing that is keeping me going is that the pay check next week is going to be a big one. but on a good note in 5 min. it will be pay day YAY!!!!!!!!!! but ya good times. i don't this is one random entry by the way Edwin is awesome he always makes me laugh. well i am going to get going and kind of work out for another hour or go back to sleep but ya..
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| lost...... |
[07 Nov 2004|09:27pm] |
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mood |
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mixed feelings |
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today has been one long day... but this weekend was great on saturday i went to colleges and went to alot of the parties there and had a great time at one of the parties i got pull in by 2 girls to a group of girls and each one of the girls wanted to dance with me... which was crazy, but ya then i spent alot of time with helen and got to talk to her which was cool and i mean i really had a fun time with Helen. but ya i went to work today at noon to find out that they change the hours that i work from 38 hours to 48 hours... i work 6 days this week which is alright because i kind of need the money right now. so anyways i go to lunch and i talk to edwin i have to go to sleep now i have to be up by 5 so ya.
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| wow i have done alot |
[04 Nov 2004|09:46pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
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latly i have been feeling hyper and i don't know why i feel like i am on speed. life is going ok i get payed tom. and i got my phone bill from last month 166 bucks so ya there goes my pay check. but ya i have been working out more offen then i did and i have been feeling better about myself. and i have been cleaning my house alot. life is going good for once in a long time. but ya i have SAT this weekend which i don't really want to take. but i want to have a good weekend so i am going too. well i am going to work out now
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| wow |
[02 Nov 2004|10:03pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
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music |
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some eletronica music |
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i got on the scale this morning before going to work and found out that i am at 195 it has been over like 2 years since i was like 195 i lost about 20 pounds, which i feel alot better, but ya i have started working out again tonight i worked out for about 40 min. and after this i think i will go back to working out. tom i think i am going to give blood and this week i have been feeling good about myself kind of and i have been enjoying life and giving my self some time to think. which in ways i feel that i have been making my self lost but in other ways i am making myself feeling good.
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